I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
