Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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