i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
