Im at strip club and am horny
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
