the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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