If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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