Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
