Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
