You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
