Ambien. No doubt about it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
