so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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