Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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