My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Randomize
