We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
