it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
