i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
