Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
