the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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