Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
