Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
