oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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