So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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