His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
