Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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