someone threw a dead crab at me
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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