I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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