Already got asked if we're dating
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
