She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I skipped work to stalk him.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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