Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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