I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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