I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
