Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
