You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
