I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
