My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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