Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
