Me. At least after what I've been through.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
