Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
