guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
