Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
