I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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