Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
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