waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
im holly from the hills drunk
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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