don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
