Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
