Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
