I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
