A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
