I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
