so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Randomize
