We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
