dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
