he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
