I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
