i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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